Can't Get It Out of My Head
by Redconky
Summary: After abandoning Harry and Hermione on the horcrux hunt and narrowly escaping snatchers, Ron lands on the beach in front of Shell Cottage to battle waves of regret. Songfic.


**Can't Get It Out of My Head**

**Rating**: T

**Summary**: After abandoning Harry and Hermione on the horcrux hunt and narrowly escaping snatchers, Ron lands on the beach in front of Shell Cottage to battle waves of regret. Songfic.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything in the Harry Potterverse nor the rights to the song "Can't Get It Out of My Head," written by Jeff Lynne. While the original is by the Electric Light Orchestra, the version I had in mind is by John Paul White, which is basically a stripped-down, string-heavy acoustic version. That version really communicates despair quite well, and when I heard it for the first time last week, this story formed immediately in my head. You can find it on YouTube.

Lyrics are in **boldface**. Character's thoughts are in _italics_.

A song Ron had heard recently on the radio popped into his head as he landed on the beach in front of Bill and Fleur's seaside home, Shell Cottage and took in the scene. It was nearly pitch black, save for the numerous twinkling stars. _No amount of wishing on any or all of those stars can help me now_, Ron thought ruefully.

**Midnight on the water**

**I saw the ocean's daughter**

**Walking on a wave she came,**

**Staring as she called my name**

_I must be hallucinating. It's not really her – I just want to see her so badly now that I'm picturing her, out there on the sea, like that painting I saw in one of Dad's muggle books, where the naked woman with the flowing, wild curly hair is floating on the shell. Hermione's wild, curly hair was blowing while she chased after me and screamed for me to come back. Now I'll probably never see it again. I'll never see _her_ again._

**And I can't get it out of my head,**

**No, I can't get it out of my head.**

**Now my old world is gone for dead**

**'Cause I can't get it out of my head**

_She begged me, and I left them. I left her. I was fooling myself to believe I could ever deserve her. I was a damned coward to leave. Even if they are a couple, I promised to help them, and I reneged._

**Breakdown on the shoreline,**

**Can't move, it's an ebb tide**

Ron finally released the tears that had been threatening to come for so long now. The storm inside was finally producing precipitation.

**Morning don't get here tonight,**

**Searching for her silver light**

Ron reached into his pocket. _Why on Earth did Dumbledore leave me this damned deluminator? I'd have been better off with – what did Hermione call it – a GPS locator? But instead of knowing latitude and longitude, it would guide me back to them – to her._

**And I can't get it out of my head,**

**No, I can't get it out of my head**

**Now my old world is gone for dead**

**'Cause I can't get it out of my head, no no.**

**Day job in the city**

**Ooh, Robin Hood and William Tell and Ivanhoe and Lancelot, they don't envy me**

_All bloody heroes, the lot of them. Who have I ever saved? Who have I ever vanquished? What did I ever conquer? I can't even conquer my own doubts. What good am I compared to Harry, or Hermione for that matter?_

**Sitting till the sun goes down,**

**In dreams the world keep going round and round**

Ron sat on the beach for hours, replaying the day's events in his head. _How did I get here? I mean I know how I physically got here, but how did I go from being gung-ho and itching for a fight to turning tail and running? How could a possessed piece of jewelry be my undoing?_

**And I can't get it out of my head,**

**No, I can't get it out of my head**

**Now my old world is gone for dead**

**'Cause I can't get it out of my head, no no.**

_How can I ever return to them now – not just logistically, but how can I possibly redeem myself? Would they even have me now? If the tables were turned, would _I_ take _me_ back? Even if Hermione doesn't want my love, can I deserve her friendship, or at the very least, forgiveness?_

The sun rose over the ocean, and Ron heard footsteps getting louder from behind. He drew his wand as he stood and turned. It was his eldest brother, Bill.

"Ron – what the hell are you doing here? Are you alright? Where's Harry and Hermione?"

"I'd give just about anything to know the answer to that question," Ron replied while lowering his wand, failing to meet Bill's gaze.

"C'mon – Fleur made enough breakfast for three. You can tell me about it over eggs and bacon," Bill said while putting his arm around his little brother's shoulders. He didn't know what was wrong, but he'd never seen Ron look worse. He was determined to do what he could to fix it, or at the very least, listen.

After Ron attempted to eat and had filled Bill and Fleur in, Fleur insisted Ron lay down. "You vill theenk better after you've had zome sleep," she'd said. As he finally gave in to the sandman's demands, he heard the end of the song he'd thought of earlier, now playing on a radio in the kitchen.

**No, I can't get it out of my head,**

**No, I can't get it out of my head**

**Now my old world is gone for dead**

**'Cause I can't get it out of my head, no no no no **

The tears came back anew, and didn't stop falling from his tired eyes until he fell asleep.

**Author's Note: The painting I referred to is "Birth of Venus" by Sandro Botticelli. Sorry to say I don't own that, either. I'm 0-3, but you can make it better by leaving a thoughtful review. I'm toying with a prequel and a sequel, but feedback will determine if I should write them, so I really need your input! Thanks for reading!**


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